Seven Steps to Falling Apart
by goldfishlover73
Summary: Kakashi doesn't realize he needs her until it slaps in him in the face. And she won't let him out of her grasp.


Sloth

Kakashi froze, a chill going down his spine.

Sakura, stripped down to a pair of _short_ spandex shorts and her sports bra, spread eagle in the middle of the training ground, lazily turned her head to him, her eyes widening slightly. "Kaka-sensei!" She drawled out lazily. He watched her lips as they formed his name. "How are wearing all that?" Her hand lifted a bit off the ground. Naruto, who was a few feet away from her, stripped down to his boxers, lifted his head and moaned. "Neh! Kaka-sensei! Just looking at you is making me hot! And it's hot as fuck!"

Kakashi watched as Sakura dropped her hand dramatically, sighing. "Me too."

His tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth as he watched he watched her grab her water bottle and dumped it unceremoniously on her face and chest. He watched the water roll down her skin as he felt himself start to feel the heat. His mouth went dry as the urge to lap the water off her salty, sweaty skin, became apparent.

"I guess we can just call off training today."

"What!?" They forewent their lethargic movements, bolting up into sitting position. "We've been waiting for you for hours!" Wisp of hair that escaped her pony tail were sticking to her neck and forehead. He felt his legs become weak. He made he knees lock for good measure. He wondered if her hair was down if it slip between her breast.

"Well, it_ is _hot." He said lamely, looking at Naruto instead.

Sakura stood, brushing dirt off her butt as she walked up to him and curled her hand into a fist. He tried to only look in her eyes. He was failing.

"Kaka-sensei!" She said through gritted teeth, pulling her hand back for emphasis.

He held his hands up in surrender, keeping them as still as he could. "We'll spar, we'll spar!"

She huffed in triumph, smirking. "Come on Naruto, put your pants back on!" She turned on her heel and resumed her lazy attitude. He watched as her hips swayed and prayed to every god he could think of to help him.

Envy

Ever since the sweltering hot day on the training grounds, Kakashi couldn't stop thinking about Sakura. She seemed to be everywhere.

Everywhere with men.

Outside the hospital.

Outside the Jounin headquarters.

The Hokage Tower.

The ramen stand.

She was always talking to them, walking with them, smiling. She didn't smile at him.

If he really thought about it, it was because he never gave her a reason to smile. Only glower. And threaten him with things. Painful things.

He watched her as she walked with her arm looped in Sai's (Sai!?). He felt his stomach churn as his fists curled in his pockets as he watched Sai. _Sai! _It was then he felt like a bolt of lightening struck him.

Was he _envious of Sai!?_

Gluttony

The beer was smooth going down his throat. He stared down at his half empty glass, letting his his mind become fuzzy with beer number five. He let the alcohol drown out the music, the loud people and Sakura. Out on the dance floor with some 'what's-his-name' _doctor. _Why did he let her drag him here? He forced himself to turn halfway around to look out at the dance floor. He scowled at the happy people. He picked Sakura out immediately. Her face was flushed from the heat of the people and the two beers. Her eyes held the same fire he'd seen it have in battle. The _doctor_ moved in as the music changed from loud and obnoxious to really loud and jarring. He put his hands on her hips and pulled her in close.

Kakashi spun around and put his hand up, ordering another beer. The barkeep slid one down as he finished his fifth in a large gulp.

Lust

He wasn't sure how he was out here, but he liked the way Sakura's hands on his upper arms made him feel. He was sure that it was her hands and not the six beers that made him feel super fuzzy.

"You need to lighten up Kakashi-sensei!" Her eyes were so bright against the darkness of the dance floor, the different strobe lights casting different shadows. On the fifth light her eyes always shone super bright and beautiful. "Come on!" She placed his hands on her waist and her hands moved to his shoulders. Her smile brightened as he felt explosive tags go off in his stomach. She started swaying him side to side. "Lighten up!" She pulled and pushed on his shoulders, laughing.

His skin felt hot as his fingers gripped her waist a little tighter. She didn't seem to notice as she tried to get his hips to move in time. "You have to move your feet, Kaka-sensei!" She yelled over the loud music. He watched, out of the corner of his eye, his thumb moving on it's own accord. It slowly eased it's way under her flimsy red shirt. It touched her skin. He felt himself shudder. He watched her as she swayed to the music, still holding onto his shoulders. Her eyes were closed and there was a content look on her face. He couldn't tell if that fire was still there. "Sakura..." He murmured, far to quite for her to hear as he let his hands move around her waist. Her eyes snapped open as he pulled her close, using this opportunity to run his hands up the full length of her sides, letting his head get close enough to take in her scent as he grabbed her hands off his shoulders and held them up over her head.

He gave her a twirl.

He could see her laughing as she turned to face him. He let his inhibitions down as he let his body do what came natural-an awkward, drunk sway of the hips as he watched her move just as gracefully to the music. He watched the fire return to her eyes as he stepped in close. His heart was hammering in his chest as she moved in closer, grabbing his flak jacket and wiggling around as she held it, and him, in her gaze.

His mind was foggy as the music slowed-the slowest he'd noticed all night. His rouge hand grabbed her waist and pulled her close. She didn't object, letting her hands slide around his torso. He was hot and sweaty as he let his hands rest on her waist. She was sure to feel his pulse, but he made sure to keep her far enough away she didn't feel anything else.

He let his mind wander as her breath tickled the cloth on his collarbone. His thumb resumed it's place an inch above her clothes line. She didn't object. He wondered if she'd object to him kissing her in front of all these people (fuck all these people). He wondered if she'd let him take her home (to _his_ home). He wondered if she'd let him kiss her at his apartment and let her strip each article off her one by one.

"Kakashi-sensei?" She said breathlessly. Her voice snapped him back in place. His hand was completely under her shirt, and his face was inches from hers. Her green eyes were wide with either surprise or anticipation. He felt her fingers gripping his flak jacket. He barely noticed the music was louder than before. He rubbed his thumb up and down softly on her back.

He wondered...

He slowly untangled himself from her and slipped away, his hand burned from the touch of her soft skin. His chest ached where he felt her hands through his jacket. And the burn in his blood from the what ifs.

Greed

She started spending more time with him after that. All those other men Kakashi use to see her with? The ratio of other men to Kakashi fell dramatically. And he wasn't complaining. Oh, no. He relished it.

She happened across him on her way home from the hospital. She found him in the market. She sat next to him at the training grounds, or in a tree. He would be waiting for her outside the Hokage Tower. Her free time was his.

Despite the dreams (asleep or otherwise) they did nothing but walk together. A bit of idle chit chat here and there. Kakashi was overcome with satisfaction just feeling her prescence. Almost the idea of being with her was more than satisfactory. There were linger glances, unnecessary touches and suggestive talk, but that was all it was. Despite the need in him, he never acted on it. It was a selfish part of him that denied her all those things from other men as well. She was _his._

Pride

"Kakashi," _Sensei_, he thought to himself as she let her hand gently cupped his wrist as he turned to leave her at her doorstep. Just the smallest touch made him freeze like on that first day. "Kakashi, we need to stop this." She sounded tired. And a little weary.

"Stop what?" He feigned ignorance. It was a redeeming trait he'd prided himself in having.

"This stupid game." She _really_ sounded tired. He felt her tug on his wrist. "Just come inside." She said, barely audible. "I'm done."

He thought back to that drunken night. It was _her_ inviting _him_ in. Her, Sakura, who was trying to pull him in, kiss him (among other things). He'd seen the way she looked at him, when they were alone, and lately, with others. His mind raced ahead to the peeling off of the clothes. He hated how his heart raced, and he knew she could feel it in his wrist. Her hand gripped his a little tighter in response. For a few moments he didn't move. His mind was frozen. "Kakashi-"

"We can't." He heard a voice that sounded some what like his speak. "You know we can't." In his mind he screamed no. He wanted her to pull him in, give him what he dreamed about. To offer herself up to him and-

"Kakashi."

"I'm your Team Captain." He didn't even realize he was talking until it rang in his ears. "We can't do this. We owe it to our village to stay professional." Her hand gripped his tight, tighter than she should. He half expected her to yank him into her apartment, have her way with him and tell him to be a good ninja and not get caught.

But she didn't. She let grip slowly lessen. Her fingers caught in his as they fell. His fingers twitched as he felt their warmth pass by. They stood their, he not facing her for forty-five seconds before she spoke.

"Please tell me what you felt was real." He wanted to laugh, he wanted to spin on his heel and grab her, throw her over his shoulder and cart her into her room.

But he _was_ her captain.

"What-" she hesitated, "What if I moved to working full time in the hospital? I almost do that anyway."

He took a silent, deep breath before turning to her. "I can't let you do that." _Her give something up for him?_

She smiled. "I would. I-"

He shook his head, placing a heavy hand on her head, ruffling her hair like he use to do. "I can't let you do that. Not for me." His hand slid down her face and paused at her chin. He lifted it so he could look at her better. Her eyes were reddening-she would probably cry.

_I've never even kissed you._ He thought. She seemed to be thinking the same thing, because her eyes kept darting down to his covered lips.

"I can't-"

"I don't care-"

"I wouldn't be able to stop myself-"

"I wouldn't _want_ you to stop-"

"Sakura-"

"Please, Kakashi." He felt the single tear as it rolled down her face, hitting the tip of his middle finger. He let his hand fall.

"Good-bye, Sakura." He gave her a small wave and gingerly placed his hands in his pockets (he could still feel her warmth) and walked away.

Wrath

Tsunade knocked gingerly on the door before opening it silently, walking in. There wasn't a sound in the small apartment, but she felt Sakura aura like a heat lamp. She turned a corner and suppressed her gasp.

Sakura lived in a small one bedroom apartment close to the civilian part of town.

It was now a studio.

The dust was still settling as Tsunade spotted Sakura sitting next to a gaping hole in the wall. It seemed, from where Tsunade was standing, she'd flung her couch into her bedroom. The strange rumbling sounds the neighbors had told the ANBU about was Sakura banging her hand against the wall on the left side of her, causing a giant support beam to have major lacerations to it.

She was staring ahead of her as she swung her arm back and forth against the wall methodically.

Tsunade straightened, coughing loudly. "That's enough!" She said with authority. She almost faltered when her young apprentice glanced up at her. Her eyes were a strange mix of red and green. Her cheeks were stained and blotchy. But was alarmed the Hokage the most was the curl of her lips. "Sakura, what are you doing?" She said in a softer voice, but the same authoritative tone. "You're going to bring the whole place down. She eyed the beam.

Sakura's smirk was disturbing. "Good."

Tsunade two three steps to Sakura, grabbing her hand before she let it crash into the beam. Her hands seemed so small as she held it.

Sakura's eyes were wide as she watched her teacher grab her hand. A long list of emotions passed over Sakura's face. She stopped it on sorrow, yanking the girl up and doing something uncharacteristically. She pressed her to her chest. Like a tidal wave, Sakura started to cry. Tsunade didn't know what brought this on (she _would_ find out). She just held Sakura, stroking her hair. She knew this pain.

The pain of rejection.

III

Gai stood in front of Kakashi's apartment, looking down at the small pug, who didn't seem disconcert.

"Is it safe to go in there?" Gai said softly to Pakkun.

Pakkun only looked up at him and shrugged. "I don't know, turtle man." Pakkun looked at the door. "Boss seems to have fleas or something. He's making the same noise the boys do when they get fleas." There was a loud crashing noise, making Gai jump.

Gai slid the door open, peering inside. It was dark, but Gai could see the overturned coffee table, book case and bed in Kakashi's small apartment. Kakashi stood in the middle, breathing deeply. Gai felt the small pug sit on his heels.

"Kakashi-" Gai began.

"I fucked it up Gai." Kakashi's calm voice was a bit alarming, taking the state of the room. He shook his head, looking around. "I could have said yes." He looked at his scattered collection of Icha Icha. "I could have said nothing at it would have been better than this."

Gai said nothing as the sounds of birds filled the small apartment. In two quick steps the bookcase splintered.

III

AN: Fun Fact! It's not disconcerning. THAT is not a word! Disconcert is a state of being disturb about something. Which is the word you'd be looking for! I didn't know that!


End file.
